dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
