I'm jealous of your bromance
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
