about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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