Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
