My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
