Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
