i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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