i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
