At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
