cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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