haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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