i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
