theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
