Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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