hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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