Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
