His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
