He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
