What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
