According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
