I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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