Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize
