what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
