So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
