...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
