for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
you had me at cake vodka
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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