i love accidental penises.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
