That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
