fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
