I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
