my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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