I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There's always time for handjobs
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
