So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
