I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
