so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
