i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
