You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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