I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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