I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
