Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
