Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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