So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
