Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's blow job season.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
