Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
