Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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