the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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