What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
