i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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