There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I need moral support for this bender
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
