she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
