I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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