God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
