ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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